Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
