perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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