and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
