$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Houston, we have a blender
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
