Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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