Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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