i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
