So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
