Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I could fuck to npr.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
