if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
