Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
