So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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