I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Randomize
