So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
