Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
