I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize