So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize