Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Randomize
