nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
