I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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