It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
