you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
