I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
