the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
