he shaved USA in his pubs
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
