good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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