i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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