Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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