its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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