So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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