We won't sleep together?
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
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she smelled like a LAN party
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
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woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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