That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
