My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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