Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
