Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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