i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my being single is dangerous.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
