haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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