Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think a kid would responsible me up
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
