You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
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Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
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Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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