your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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