my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
