woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
