On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
