i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
