i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
