She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
