you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
