im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
