What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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