Screwed.edu
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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