My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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