i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
