he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize