Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize