Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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