There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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