Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
