he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
