woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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