dude i'm inner monologue high
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
