ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
