it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
